Monday, September 10, 2007

Spotted Tape from China

"Andy! What did you get me for my birthday?" I asked as I do for any occasion that demands gifts.

"I don't know," he ALWAYS replies though I know that if I can hold out long enough he will eventually tell me."

"Well, give me a hint," I say putting on the sweetest act I can muster.

"OK. Spotted Tape from China." What the hell? Spotted Tape from China? As I curiously opened the envelope to my card, I saw that inside the card were 2 concert tickets! What concert, you may ask? DEF LEPPARD, STYX, and FOREIGNER!! For those of you who are unaware of my love for Styx, it is a true love that will last a lifetime.

3 1/2 months later...

September 7: the day of the concert.

I anxiously put on my "Pour some Sugar on Me" t-shirt in support of the headlining band (even though I am most excited to see Styx) and Andy and I stop by La Frontera for a tasty treat. We get in the car 1 hour before the concert starts and make our way to West Valley City.

Wall to wall traffic. Curses! We wait, and wait, and wait. 7pm comes and goes and we wait.

At 7:30 we park and hurry to find out seats at the amphitheater (which is, by this time, extremely full and extremely drunk). Foreigner is booming in the background. Aging hair band roadies are drunkenly giving everyone they can find hugs and high fives. There is quite a diversity of people around. You have your crack whores who are about 85 pounds soaking wet and look like their skin has melted off and been reapplied. There are old men who undoubtedly own Porches due to their new found state of mid-life crises during which they have also bought their 25 year old wives (or mistresses) a shiny new set of DDD boobs. Impressive. No need to mention the 40-somethings with long mullets that are becoming skullets rocking out to their music of yesteryear as they pour their 10th cup of $9 beer down their throats. Then you have a whole bunch of 13, 14 year olds who probably found Dad's secret stash of 80's albums. These kids are great. They stand around awkwardly surrounded by old people occasionally headbanging until they get dizzy then they resort to playing on their cell phones. Then, Andy and me.

Jukebox Hero comes on...Every arm raises into the air and begins to pump in time with the music. The audience, indeed, has stars in their eyes. The crack hags were swaying slightly self-conscious of people watching them, the old men with their mistresses bounce in time to the music looking around while they sing to prove that they know the words, the old rockers sway psychedelically with their arms raised in homage to the rock gods. Wonderful. Foreigner is grand...but I am waiting for Styx.

When Styx comes on the stage I squeal with delight! I love every minute from "Blue Collar Man" to "Renegade"! What a fantastic show they put on! When "Come Sail Away" begins, not only do all hands return to the air, but lighters (cell phones for us non smokers) light up the entire audience. It is fabulous! We sway and sing...exactly what I was hoping for! I must admit with the tiniest bit of embarrassment that during "Renegade" I am guilty of not only the white man overbite but also of the New Jersey fist pump. Bottom line: I LOVE STYX!!!

Then, all Hell breaks loose. Def Leppard takes the stage and you can tell that this is what the majority of the audience is waiting for. Bras come of, shirts come off, women climb on the stage, just pandemonium. I am surprised how many songs I can easily sing to. We proudly belt out such songs as "Rocket," "Rock of Ages," "Love Bites," and of course, "Pour some sugar on me." As we sing and dance conservatively, crazy old people are stripping, dirty dancing, and making lewd gestures at each other. It is a blast!

Leaving is a different story. We walk out to the lot, find the car, and begin our hour and a half wait to get out of the parking lot. During our wait we see a man and woman doing inappropriate-for-blogging actions in the car. We see random drunk people stumbling around and yelling at others. My personal favorite is when a drunk man (seen previously at the concert running across an aisle of people slapping high fives) stumbles "behind" a car (in plain sight) and begins peeing without pulling his pants down. I check with Andy to make sure that I am not imagining anything. He confirms. Gross.

I had a fabulous time! I am excited for the next concert (worth going to) that comes to Salt Lake!

PS- if you are curious as to why Andy gave me the hint of "Spotted Tape From China": Leopards are spotted, tape sticks, and if you are from China you are Foreign. There you go. Problem Solved.


April said...

I love that you were able to work in the New Jersey fist pump!

hilary said...

That Andy is pretty clever...but not as clever as those def leopards, they figured out that love bites and when it does you should pour some sugar on it!