Friday, June 12, 2009

I struggled with my temper.

BCBS of a certain unnamed state has possibly the worst employees ever. I have been on the phone with them (off and on) for five hours (and that is not an exaggeration). My reason for speaking to the nurse reviewer (an honest to God RN) was to authorize a one night stay in the hospital. Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

“Is that a real diagnosis?”

“I’m sorry ma’am but those codes don’t exist. I don’t care how many of this surgery your doctor does; it doesn’t make it these codes more or less real.”

“That diagnosis isn’t reason enough for the inpatient stay because it doesn’t specify if the kid is severely retarded or not.”

“Listen here, Missy. If the kid is a retard, I will happily grant you your one night request.”

After the last quote, I finally asked to speak to the woman’s manager. Here was her response:

“Now really, that isn’t necessary. I’m not trying to fight you. I’ll authorize it.”

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The Sight of a Legend

Trax is often a boring necessity which takes me from the parking structure to work everyday. Today, it served as a wondrous experience. I boarded the train and grabbed the nearest seat, grumpy to be awake and active so early in the morning. My normal routine is to stare out the window and pretend that no one else exists, but something was different today.

From the corner of my right eye, I saw a scruffy red beard. I turned to gaze out the window. Something bothered me about the glimpse of the beard. I snuck another peek to the right. There was thick reddish hair to accompany the red scruffy beard. I turned back to the window and tried to place how I knew this man. I scanned my brain and tried to place this recognizable hair-do. Then it hit me.

I let out a small cry as this man’s appearance registered in my memory. I was sitting next to Chuck Norris.

I was sitting next to Chuck Norris. I kept stealing glances to my right to confirm that this was indeed the bad-ass that was Chuck Norris. The legend that inspired the Chuck Norris facts ( After my sixth double-take, Chuck Norris looked at me and smiled. Confirmation: this was Chuck Norris, in Salt Lake City, on TRAX. I think I smiled back. It might have been a grimace or something that resembled choking. I can’t be sure.

As we sat there staring at each other, the train pulled into the Ft. Douglas stop. Chuck Norris got up, grabbed his man purse, winked at me, and strode to the door.

I turned in my seat. “Wait!” I heard myself say. “Can I have your autograph?”

Chuck Norris looked at me. “Now, why would you want that?” Chuck Norris gave me a sly smirk and chuckled.

I blushed. How was I supposed to answer that? “Well, because you are Chuck Norris!” I scraped for the reason Chuck Norris was looking for.

Chuck Norris chuckled again. The doors to the train opened. “I’m not Chuck Norris, but thanks.” With that, Chuck Norris exited the train.

Is this story true? Possibly. I will leave you with this Chuck Norris Fact:

“Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.”