Saturday, November 29, 2008

All cheery and ho ho ho all the time.

How do I describe to you the amazing experience which I endured in Arkansas this evening? My family and I went to support the neighborhood tree lighting ceremony. It was all you could imagine a good ol' down home tree lighting ceremony should be. We stood in the moist cold and waited for some old dude (extroardinarily long winded) to finish thanking all of the sponsors. When he was finished a very nice minister by the name of 'Naughty reverend' as evident by a very festive sweatshirt, gave the crowd an extensive backstory of the song 'have yourself a merry little christmas' as sung by the radiant Judy Garland from the movie Meet me in St. Louis which we never actually sung. Once he finished we awkwardly joined in with Silent Night as can only be heard by dogs. In otherwords, only an eleven-year-old boy could hit the notes. But everyone tried anyway. The tree itself, I fear I cannot do justice. While it was larger than the well-loved 'Charlie Brown Christmas' tree, it was dwarfed when compared to say, a normal christmas tree. Decorated well with random fruit and glass bulbs, the tree was gloriously lit with lights from walmart (on sale for $2.88!).
After freezing and pretending to sing, we moved inside to observe the after party. Within the warmth of the country club we had the pleasure of conversing with some of the locals. Here are a few topics of choice:
1. A very sweet old man was describing the abomination of black friday. On thursday, he had found a jacket he liked which was 50% off with an additional 30% off but was told that the following day would be an additional 40% off. Upon returning the following day, he found that it was 40% off with an additional 40% off. Either way, it cost the same. He mentioned that the aforementioned worker was a shyster. He mentioned it not once but thrice.
2. The nearby amusement park has their very own award winning production of the Christmas Carol. This show is... tolerable, at best. They have recently added new numbers to make usual 30 minute show a painful 60 minute show. As I remarked about the new addition, a lady told me, "Well, it's great theater if you haven't been to places like New York and Idaho."
3. As more and more people began emerging with various plates loaded with food. A woman who was not quite of average weight emerged with two large plates of food. She passed us and squeezed past a few others to find a seat. A woman wearing a "Nice" sweatshirt (who I assume was the 'Naughty' counterpart) noticed this ample woman and said, "Oh! Are you feeding everybody?" If I were the woman with the two plate of food, I might have told Mrs. Nice to gain some friggin' tact. In all honesty, Naughty and Nice were demonstrably reversed.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

They've still got the right stuff...

Last weekend I had the honor, nay, the sheer joy of attending the New Kids on the Block concert with my sister. To really do this story justice, I must start the narration around 12 pm, when the fun began. Because of our extremely early rising (at the lovely hour of 9) we were able to get an early start, departing my department around 11. We ran a few errands with the NKOTB in mind. The first stop was Joann's for the absolutely necessary iron on letters. Were these iron on letters necessary? The answer is yes. With our iron-on letters in hand, we turn our sights to Nordstrom rack for boots. April found quite the kick-ass pair of knee high black boots and I decided on a pair of purple suede boots. Growing ever confident, we made our final stop at American Apparel, the only place you can find every style of t-shirt ever thought up (that's about all you can find there). April found a green t-shirt, while I chose a plain jersey with purple sleeves (seems to be the color of choice for such an evening).
With our outfits complete, we headed to Meg's house to visit and begin the creative process.
As little girls, my sister and I had many shrines to our beloved New Kids. April had the New Kids birthday party, we had every album, and we even had a few NKOTB barbie dolls (which I promptly removed the rat tails with my trusty scissors). I just want you to understand that this is love that is 19 years in the making. April will not settle for anything less than Jordan Knight, and while I am madly in love with Andy, Danny Wood will always hold a special place in my heart. This is the back story for our homemade t-shirts. Honestly, how many 23-27 year olds do you know who can sing "Didn't I blow your mind this time?" in its entirety?
After exercising our brilliant creativity, we returned home to put the outfits together and primp for our boys.Excitement filled a two mile radius surrounding the E Center of West Valley City, UT. While singing (yelling, rather) various New Kids tunes we handed over the $10 parking fee and skipped to find out seats.We had many false alarms during which we heard loud cheering and screaming...we never found out exactly why people were screaming. At that point, we were still about an hour from actually seeing the New Kids on the Block. That gave April and me just enough time to use the restroom, grab a beer, and find our seats.
We sat through two thoroughly forgettable opening acts. We confusedly watched Lady Gaga gyrate around the stage using her magic glowing crystal as her own personal spotlight. girl sang five songs, yet one would never know it. It truly was one long continuous song. It wasn't until after she finished that April informed me that she actually had performed five songs. Amazing. Next up was Natasha Bettingfield. At least this girl could carry a tune. She could belt and stay on pitch (novel concept). The only shame about this performer is that her songs are so terrible. Truly a shame.
Finally, the 'moment I have waited for my entire life' as April so aptly put it, came.
The crowd roared with anticipation as a large screen asked the crowd if they were ready. With this prompt, the E center began to rattle with excitement! As the glorious harmonies of the new kids barely raised over the already rambunctious crowd, each woman in the audience exploded with excitement. April and I grabbed each others' hands and jumped up and down.

We screamed like ten-year-old girls and sang the well known songs at the top of our lungs. We realized from time to time how old the 'new kids' were. I gained a new appreciation for Danny as I watched the now 38 year old take a two minute break dance solo. April practically flew out of her seat as Jordan took the microphone topless.
April flew to Salt Lake all the way from San Francisco to see this concert. Was it worth it? Definitely. Step by step they proved that they have the right stuff. Hang tough, boys. You totally blew our minds this time.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Before anything is written I must dedicate this blog to Dr. Smith, without whom the documented festivities would not have been possible. Thank you, Dr. Smith, for your generosity.

The office in which I work is filled with very competent professionals backed by several medical and administrative assistants. During work hours we are serious (mostly) but last week we decided to let our hair down for a fun night in Deer Valley.

After much fretting about the possible caption for this photo, I decided that it was impossible for me to come up with anything that could be considered 'family friendly'.

Sher found a robe and drank with great gusto. This was shortly after she put on a Bret Michaels album and serenaded the lot of us. It was stellar.

I felt that this was a great demonstration of the overall feel of our little soiree.

Also, Dr. Smith, Andrea wasn't lying when she said that she and Melissa were spooning. I hereby present you with proof.