Thursday, June 28, 2007

Enigmatic Equestrian

The newest fad in my life consists of dirt, sweaty animals, and tight wrangler guessed it! Horseback riding! My coworker, Hilary, and I have taken to riding the horses of our wonderfully sweet coworker, Theresa (to whom we are indebted).

I was a bit apprehensive when first approaching Gus, my horse for the evening. Theresa had assured me that Gus was the "cooperative one." I love you, Theresa, but that is not quite accurate. I successfully brushed the horse. I successfully saddled the horse. I successfully mounted the horse. I successfully remained on the horse for oh...five minutes? Maybe. Ok, so as we went down the long dusty road, Gus decided he was hungry. He was hungry for the delicious weeds growing next to that long dusty road. Then Gus decided he wanted to stand still for awhile. Ok, I thought. It's been a while since he had been ridden. Maybe he is tired. Then, Gus decided he wanted to go home. No. I remembered Theresa telling me to make him stay out as long as I wanted to stay out. I gently pulled up on my reigns and calmly told Gus,"No. We need to follow Hilary and Bea." He refused to move. So I tried to logically explain that he was the horse and I was the master right now. He needed to do as I asked. No dice. I stooped to bribery. "Gus," I said, "I can give you a carrot if you behave." He was apparently stubborn and was not going to join my team. All right. I pulled the reigns to the left and kicked. Interestingly enough, he kicked back. He was none too happy with me. As Gus bucked, I held my ground. Then, out of the distance, a large truck came toward me. It was Theresa! She was here to rescue me!
After Theresa showed Gus who was boss, I remounted and trotted the rest of the way back. Note: do NOT trot for very long. I had a lovely bruise on a body part that you are not allowed to know. My bruise was not this bad...but let's just say that it is finally beginning to subside.

I can't wait until tomorrow when I can go back! I am excited to try again and hopefully do better this time. My goal is to stay on the horse and to trot as little as possible. I am excited to saddle Gus up and ride off into the sunset.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Relative stupidity of slang...


I work at a lovely establishment...a type of boarding school, if you will. At my chosen place of employment we work hard to turn inner-city troubled male teens into established, debonair, well-groomed young men ready to reenter society.

During my time here at the aforementioned place of virtue, I have gained an impressive knowledge of inner-city slang. For my first blog, I wish to impart my acquired education to you:

john- n. thing, item, person, place, object. (ex- You remember the john with the john?)

drawlin'- v. annoying, unfair. (ex- no gym? Y'all's drawlin'!)

bowl- n. in reference to a person (ex- That young bowl is trippin!)

real rap- v. used in question form to ask if someone is serious or as an affirmation to the aforementioned question. (ex- You been learned that? Real rap?)

corny- adj. stupid or absurd (ex- Them johns is corny!)

youngin'- n. used in respect to someone younger than yourself (ex- You's trippin youngin'!)

raw- adj. adv. unadulterated, hard core, serious. A description of a person, place, thing, or action. (ex- Them johns is raw!)

baller- n. Originally referred ball players that made it out of the streets to make millions as a pro ball player, but now is used to describe any thug that is living large. (ex- I wants to be a baller when I get out)

baby mama- n. The mother of your child(ren), whom you did not marry and with whom you are not currently involved. (ex- I gotsta write my baby mama.)
trippin- v. When someone is overreacting over something small. (ex- Damn Bitch!? Why yo all trippin?)

pre-hype- adv. When a situation is deemed stupid or ridiculous (ex- This shit's pre-hype.)

The slang dictionary is endless and I am fairly certain I could go on...however, I will end the lesson here. Perhaps the education will continue in the next installment of "Relative stupidity of slang...(part II)"

Until then, Keep your johns raw, bitches. Real rap.