Sunday, January 30, 2011

Kickboxing and Me

I tried my very first kickboxing class not too long ago and found out that Kickboxing and I don't get along.

My first mistake was attending a class at a nearby college. When one chooses to attend a high-energy exercise class with a bunch of college freshman, one can assume he/she will inevitably be the fat kid in class. Thus, my pride was somewhere trodden on the floor by peppy 18 year old cheerleaders doing their collective jump rope very early in the class.

After the grueling ten minute warm-up we moved on to something just as peppy and just as exhausting. I expected kickboxing to be kind of like violent jazzercise. Interestingly enough, it was more of a chaotic Tae-bo class. And just like the Tae-bo class I took in seventh grade, I still can't do bean bag punches without giving myself black eyes.

Let's talk about the instructor. She looked and acted like an ex-Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. She wore a headset (which was silly considering the size of room and number of students). She really enjoyed making the "Woo!" sound and saying "Come On!" as a means of inspiring us to keep going. She was very disappointed that we didn't "Woo!" and "Come On!" with her. Sorry lady, I'm just not that peppy.

After jumping and swinging my arms like a monkey for 45 minutes, I excused myself to grab some water. As I took a sip I thought, you know, I wouldn't be the least bit sad if I left right now (I should point out that I had done an hour of Pilates prior to the "Turbo Kickboxing" class). I mentally chastised myself for being lazy and went back into the class of bouncing children.

Shortly after re-entering, the instructor announced that it was time for the cool down. PRAISE THE LORD!! We went to the floor and immediately began what felt like a million mountain climbers. Anyone who has experienced mountain climbers knows that, by no stretch of the imagination, can they be considered a "Cool Down" exercise. I reminded myself for the 20th time that I would not be returning to this class. We then continued our "cool down" with 100 crunches and 50 bicycles. I now know that the instructor really had no clue what "cool down" meant.

After an hour of bouncing, kicking, hitting myself, cursing my spare tire, climbing mountains, and setting my abs on fire, I limped home (I considered it my "cool down") and swore to never go back again. And I haven't.

I'll stick to Zumba, Pilates, rock climbing, swimming, and running. I think that's good enough for now.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

The dreaded 213

I realized I haven't blogged about Salt Lake City's public transportation in a while. After Andy and I moved to Sugar House, I abandoned TRAX and began riding the bus (which is actually really nice--way better than TRAX). I began riding the 220 which picked me across the street from my house and delivered me to the hospital at which I work. Easy. Wonderful.

UTA decided to revamp the bus schedules mid-December which cause the 220 to no longer go to the hospital! In fact, no busses near me went to the hospital. Boo. I would have to transfer. After studying the new schedule I decided to switch to the 213 simply because it got me closer to the hospital than 220's new route.

So, the 213 picks up one block west of the 220 and let me tell you what a difference one block makes! The 220 uses beautiful, new, clean busses whereas the 213 uses super crappy, dirty, old busses. The people who ride the 220 are all commuters to the hospital. The people who ride the 213 are rude and stinky. Unfortunately, both busses cater to two high schools which isn't ideal for the morning commute.

I rode the 213 for about two weeks before I gave up and returned to the less convenient 220. Here are the reasons I chose the longer commute:

1. The 213 would NEVER arrive on time. It was either 10 minutes early or 10 minutes late (when it decided to show up at all)

2. The drivers are grumpy (The first day I rode I tapped my pass on the scanner and the driver mumbled something to me, "Excuse me?" I said, since he mumbled and I didn't hear what he had said. "USE--THE--ONE--IN--BACK" he yelled in an exaggerated way.)

3. The people who wait at my stop are weird (I struck up a conversation with a nice blind man who told me he really hoped I was LDS because the only nice people in the world were Mormon and he sincerely hoped I was one of the nice people. Then he invited me to a Sarah McLachlan concert for Valentine's Day.)

4. The people who ride the bus are rude (I gave up my seat for an elderly man with back problems and he called me a "bitch" very loudly because he was offended that I moved and didn't sit next to him. He called me a "stuck up bitch" loudly for 10 minutes until I exited the bus.)

5. High School students- though this one goes for 213 AND 220, (I listened to a Junior telling a sophomore about the really old movie that his teacher showed him called "A Beautiful Mind". He talked about how it was made when Russell Crowe was really young and how it was about some guy who was good at math, was "schizophrenia", and tried to kill his son . He thought it might have been based on a true story.)

6. College Freshman ( taking religion 101 talking about how lucky they are to be part of church that doesn't have any negative historical events to cover up unlike the Catholic Church.)

7. General Weirdoes (A guy interrupted me from reading to say, "I notice you are reading with your sunglasses on. Does reading with your sunglasses on give you a different perspective on what you're reading?")

Due to the above instances, I have switched back to the 220. Thank God.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Choose your own adventure: The mystery of the murdered blue man.

After much success with my previous "choose your own adventure" story, I thought I'd do another one.

Read the story and choose your own adventure!

Candace and Andy have a wonderful evening planned with friends. The evening includes great company, fantastic food, delicious wine, and much fun to be had all around. For everyone's ease, the hostess brings out rubber wine markers with suction cups to mark whose glass is whose. Candace picks out a silly blue one for Andy and sticks it to his glass.

Dinner is served and the friends gather around the dining room table. The wine is poured, the food is devoured, and the conversation takes form. If Andy remains gripped in conversation continue to part V. If Andy's mind wanders and he begins playing with his wine charm continue to PART II.

Andy mentally checks out of the conversation and is suddenly hypnotized by the rubber suction cup wine charm. He checks its bounciness by flicking it. He checks its flexibility by twisting it. The idea I wonder if I can twist this little blue guy in a full circle?enters his head and his experimentations begin. Andy twists and twists only to find that the little blue man cannot twist a full 360 degrees. The little blue man is severed from his suction cup and falls into Andy's lap. If Andy announces to the group of the blue man's death, skip to PART VI. If Andy decides to take care of the problem on his own, continue to PART III.

Andy immediately rises from the table and wanders toward the kitchen. To everyone at the table Andy looks lost and confused. He walks to the kitchen, turns around, takes a few steps back, and spins in an aimless fashion. "Andy, what are you doing?" asks Candace. If Andy informs the group that he is looking for the trash to dispose of the evidence, skip to PART VII. If Andy thinks fast and comes up with the first fib he can muster, continue to PART IV.

Andy faces the party group and and pauses. "I...forgot that...the wine in...the kitchen was...empty." Andy immediately walks back to the table and sits down in front of his half-full wine glass and partially full bottle of wine.. To find out the ending, skip to PART VIII.

Candace and Andy have a very pleasant evening with no topic left untouched. With the wine and food consumed, Candace and Andy bid goodnight to their hosts and go home.

"Hey, guys!" says Andy, "Did you realize that these wine charms aren't as flexible as they seem? I just tried to spin one around in a full circle and it broke off! Sorry, Kristen! Can I replace them?" The hostess assures Andy that it's ok. Everyone laughs at the situation and the party commences. After hours of enjoyment, everyone bids goodnight to their hosts and goes home.

Andy cooly responds to Candace by saying, "I forgot to spit my gum out! Does anyone know where a garbage is in this place?" Kristen mentions the location of the garbage and Andy is able to dump the evidence without anyone being the wiser. The party continues, fun is had, and the guests bid good night to their hosts and go home. It isn't until weeks later that Kristen thinks I thought we had another wine charm.

Andy turns to the hostess. "Kristen, I broke your wine charm."

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Cat Update and Happy New Year.

So, while everyone is writing inspirational posts about starting over, New years, and all sorts of resolutions, I decided against such a post.

I would rather tell you great news! Remember this post when we adopted little Alice Boo and Morty decided to hide for three weeks? Well, I finally got some pictures of them together. Here's the update:

Alice is no longer afraid of running water. Mort has taught her how to drink from the faucet.

Mort tolerates her existence and plays with her often. They sleep near each other but no sign of snuggling yet UNTIL...

...LAST NIGHT! I guess this can't be considered snuggling but they are sure cute sleeping butt to butt. Morty is a trooper and is so patient with Alice. Alice often jumps on his back and chews on his ears. They are buddies now. YAY!

Also, my New Year's resolution was to floss more. No joke. I'm on day five and going strong. Here's to a great 2011!