Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A letter to the customers of TRAX:

To the woman who tries to bum a cigarette off me everyday:
I didn’t have a cigarette two weeks ago, last week, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. Why would you assume that I had one today? Just in case I decided to take up smoking since yesterday?

To the angry adolescent who insists on turning his ipod up to share his music with everyone despite the fact that he is wearing ear bud head phones:
You are a douche and you have terrible taste in music.

To the teenage boys who have recently discovered swear words and therefore play the game “Who can insert the most profanity into one sentence?”:
Children, grow up. You look stupid. You sound stupid. Therefore, you must be stupid. Good luck in life.

To the psycho who finds in necessary to scream obscenities, jump from the platform onto the train tracks, and spin around in circles until you fall down:
I just don’t even know.

To the woman who reeks like cigarette smoke and the unwashed college boy with offensive body odor and greasy hair:
Please take into consideration that you will be in very close proximity to people who take pride in their appearance and actually get ready in the morning. They do not wish to stink like a chimney and/or pubescent boy.

To the man who stands on the platform and hocks loogies every 45 seconds:
That is just disgusting. What makes you think it is appropriate behavior to cover the tracks with your sinus content? Also, if you need to spit so often, there is probably something wrong with you. I suggest you see a doctor.

To the dude who solves the Rubix cube over and over during his ride to wherever:
I am super impressed. So is everyone else.

To the inconsiderate miscreants who won’t give up his/her seat for elderly, pregnant women, handicapped people, or families:
Karma. It will come back to you. And it will bite you.


Elena Loo said...

oh the adventures of public transportation. thanks for the laugh!

Matt and Carolyn said...

oh my goodness! I COULD NOT stop laughing while reading this, I'm sure everyone in my office thinks I should be institutionalized. I live for your blogs, they're freakin hilarious. Thank you.

Andrew said...

Thanks for the amusing insight into the TRAX frequenters. I'm glad I'm not on your list . . . unless I'm the stinky one. I'll check. . . nope I'm not on your list.

By the way, I saw Jim's production of "Sleepy Hollow" last weekend up at Weber. Really fantastic. Made me miss the good ol' days.