Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Tanning by Moonlight

After a grueling workout session on Monday, Hilary and I decided we needed a fun, easy workout on Tuesday. We decided that a game of tennis and a pleasant swim would do just the trick.
We donned our bathing suits with our tennis clothes over them, grabbed our tennis rackets and made our to toward the tennis court. We were so excited to give our hurting muscles a break and spend the evening having fun.
As we approached the tennis court we saw two men (whose shirts seemed to have gone missing) were already occupying the court. They smacked the ball back and fourth as if they were using a wet fish as opposed to a racket. Hilary and I sighed in unison. "How long do you think you will be playing?" Hilary shouted across the court. One of the half naked men noticed our existence and shrugged. Awesome.
We redirected and chose to go swimming first. Entering the pool area was comparable to entering a lame dance club for 13-year-olds. The three little girls in bikinis (much too revealing)
were enjoying the ever present bass beat that made us normal people feel a little nauseous. Aside from the constant 'boom boom' felt by all of your internal organs, there was very little melody to be found. I can't tell you what it was that was playing, only that it could be classified as crap. Hilary and I slowly began removing our shorts hoping that the ongoing tennis game would end before we got down to only our bathing suits. No dice. Hilary and I observed the children for a while as they whispered to each other and giggled like the thirteen-year-olds that they were. We got into the water and half-heartedly swam for a bit, chatting and enjoying the cool water, when all of the sudden we heard a string of obscenities emerge from one of the children. Hilary's expression mirrored mine as we stared at each other in disgust and shock. Not only were the little girls using every profanity imaginable, but their topic of conversation was very crass and sexual. They were mentioning things that (hopefully) they didn't know exactly what it meant. I was hoping that they were just repeating what they had hear from an obviously classy mother or sister.
We observed as the three girls jumped out of the pool, into the jacuzzi, over to text on their cell phones, back into the pool, back into the jacuzzi, back to texting, repeat...until one of the girls had a brilliant idea. The girls huddled behind the soda machine, out of sight from anyone in the pool (also the security camera). "Do they have handcuffs?" Hilary asked. I glanced over to the girls who had broken the huddle and one of them was indeed holding a pair of handcuffs.
They giggled as they hooked one of the girls to another and jumped into the water. "It's hard to swim handcuffed!" exclaimed on of the girls. This statement made all three burst into laughter as if it suggested something inappropriate.
"I wonder if they found those handcuffs in mom's drawer," I wondered.
"I wonder if they removed the fuzzy part to bring them into the pool," said Hilary.
"I wonder what it feels like to know that you are a future prostitute," I asked.
"I wonder what it feels like to know that you are a future statistic for teenage pregnancy," Hilary retorted.
We shook our heads in disgust as we dried off, put on our cover-ups and went back to my apartment fully aware that the tennis court was still being used.

Bikini fashioned to make one look like a skank...$45
A pair of shiny handcuffs undoubtedly found by snooping in a place a 13-year-old shouldn't be...$0
Experimenting with every word in the Sailor Handbook free of adult supervision...PRICELESS.


Reagan said...

Oh my! That is so sad. I especially liked you comment: I burst into laughter at my desk... "I wonder what it feels like to know that you are a future prostitute,"
so so so sick. at 13 I dont think I would have ever thought of mixing the public pool with handcuffs. 10 points for whorish creativity though.

Adam and Melissa said...

You are so awesome! I love reading your blog...Your comments are so funny...I liked what you said about their obviously classy mother... keep up the good entertainment?

hilary said...

It made me feel icky! We'll have to get our 'game on' another night.