Thursday, May 8, 2008

A few of my favorite Vingnettes

All of these are true and have happened in the past week or so:

As Candace is trying to quiet an 11 month old with a broken tibia, the patient's 8 year-old brother stares at her.
"Are you married?" he asks.
"Yes," she replies a little annoyed that this child is attempting conversation while the baby is trying his damnedest to wriggle out of her clutch and onto the floor
"Oh" the boy continued. "Is your husband hot?"
"Excuse me?" Candace asks in disbelief.
"He must be hot. Because I think you're hot. So your husband must be hot."
Right then a Medical Assistant walks in the room and saves Candace from this strange turn of events. She passes off the baby quite willingly and leaves the child in endless wonder.

PS- The mother had magically disappeared for this...interesting.
There is a silly idea that a bad dress rehearsal will make for a good opening night. If that was the case then our opening night was the greatest performance known to man (at least in my case).
I couldn't seem to get my energy up, remember my lines and/or lyrics, and I just seemed to be in everyone's way.
Finally, we reached the intermission and I decided that it was not too late to save this performance. I vowed to be more peppy, more focused, and just try harder all around.
I bounded onto the stage dressed in my tart attire. All of my actions were bigger than normal in a desperate attempt to get my energy up; my notes were louder and my kicks were higher. In making my kicks higher, it caused my skirt to hang lower in the back which resulted in someone stepping on it. Shortly after I realized someone was on my skirt, the snaps popped and my 10 lbs. skirt fell to the floor. Keep in mind, this is all during a high energy dance number.
The theatre gods were not smiling on me.
While Denise waits patiently for a green tea soy latte, she is forced to stand too
close to an 'unconventional couple. Because of the close proximity to this dirty old man and his 19 year old play toy she over hears one of the worst lines ever presented in public (or in private for that matter).

Play toy: Oh! (giggle giggle) I feel like I'm drunk!
Dirty old man: You are! Drunk with love!

Denise does her best not to vomit or break into laughter. Rather, she flies to Utah and describes the nauseating story to her daughter who will give it literary immortality and make it public for all to read.

This past week in a nutshell. Take it for what it's worth.


April said...

wait, you lost your skirt during the dress rehersal or opening night? Finger crossed it happens again Saturday night when I'm there :) I'll laugh out know me, always supportive :)

Reagan said...

1. you are hot, so your husband must be---no truer words...
2. did you moon the audience? completely? bare butt? that would rock.
3. Sick, Sappy, Terrible...hopefully he was rich otherwise it aint worth it honey.

Elena Loo said...

2. I didn't know Linton was in Big River too.. what fun! We're coming to see it..sometime. Can't remember what day our tickets are for ☺ i think tuesday...?
Do love the skirt story though.. my thoughts were, "i wonder if Jim reacted to that.. in notes or otherwise
3. Ya -that's nasty. While in park city Josh and I sat next to a couple and debated the whole hour if it was just daddy, or Sugar Daddy. We decided both.. which might be worse.

And -- can't wait to see you! Good luck!