As the title states, this is a record of things that have confused, astonished, and wowed me in the past month...
Walking into a 7/11 and being greeted by the original cast recording of Chorus Line. (Don’t get me wrong. I loved singing “Went to church praying Santa Maria, send me guidance, send me guidance, on my knees…” while pouring myself some black tea)
Sitting next to a bunch of douchy professorial types and listen to them debate whether Sriracha is from Japan or Santiago (pronounced Sonteeaaaaaaaaaago). Guess what, Douche bags? It is from Thailand.
People making up their own words such as “Simplize,” “furiousating,” and “embarrassly.” Really?
Being approached by a complete stranger (a week before the wedding) who knows my (and Andy's name) who proceeds to ask me, "Oh, Candace! I know you and Andy aren't married yet, but when do you plan on extending your family?" No joke. The lady wasn't even old. She should have known better.
And, there you have it. All of the above occurrences made me go hmm.
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Ew! That whole "when are you gonna have a baby?" thing drives me insane! I have been married for five years, and give people the same answer every time. "Never!" They still aren't getting the hint, so finally I decided to just say "I can't have babies." Then they get all silent, and usually never ask again. :)
It really doesn't help that we live in Utah, let alone the fact that our current residence is in Utah County. I want to move far far away!
1st: I would say that 7/11 and Chorus Line is better than walking into a Cafe Rio and getting West Side Story, I would think.
2nd: Never trust a PhD. I did enjoy the irony of the douche bag being pretentious enough to say "Sontiaahgo" but not being smart enough to know that the Thai written on the bottle isn't spoken in Chile (pronounced Cheeleh).
3rd: Sometimes the 228,132 words in the Oxford English dictionary aren't sufficient when attempting to express yourself. Not just mentally challenged elementary school kids make up words, you know. Sometimes adults and "inbe-twenties" have to make up words to display their mastery of the language. Any Trailer Park Tom can pick up a dictionary and later regurgitate some word that some other dude made up. But it takes a true Rhodes Scholar to notify the gap between an intended meaning and the existence of a programmatically defined term. Have you really never performed a task “embarrassly?” If you haven’t it is not because you did not experience it. It is simply because a genius had not yet come up with the perfect word to encapsulate both the literal and implied logic and emotion of that event. Just brilliant!
4th: I’m not even sure what to say about this one. I hate when strangers ask me about my reproduction. Okay, that’s not true. I love talking to people about my plans to procreate. That’s weird though.
In conclusion: why did these things make you go “hmm?” The Candace I know would have used the “F” word in every one of these scenarios; multiple times. In fact I believe that we both said “what the fuck” about the D-bag professors. Are you turning over a new leaf as a newlywed? I don’t like it. Bring back Sailor Candace. She’s fun.
With Ruv,
Brett
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