The Awkward Milkshake

There really is nothing more uncomfortable than watching the sheer absurdity of an aging hippie couple on a date. The awkwardness, the laughable conversation, the odd comments (influenced by years of too much acid and/or pot)...this makes for the perfect setting while eating a delicious Iceberg milkshake.

Sunday, about the time between lunch and dinner when you are too lazy to do anything but too motivated to fall asleep, Andy, Brett, and I decided that what we needed to perk our current mood was a tasty milkshake from Iceberg. PERFECT!! We drove to the adorable little drive in and ordered a chocolate banana shake, a Reese's shake, and a grasshopper shake. Delicious. We sat at one of the tables outside to wait for our order. These tables (made of stone which had been baking for hours in the 100+ degree heat) were decidedly too warm to sit on. With a stroke of brilliance, Andy suggested that we move inside the little restaurant to eat our obtained treat.

We entered the restaurant to blast of cool air and an annoying cackling that would rival the most wicked of witches. We chose a table and sat, ready to enjoy our wonderful frozen goody in the blissful coolness of the welcomed air conditioner. The old lady cackled again. Irritated, I changed our conversation and tried desperately not to eavesdrop...to no avail. I couldn't help but hear the conversation of choice bands from the sixties: how they got their names, how the music influenced them, how the music shaped a generation...all fine, right? Well, it would have been had the conversation not proceeded as so:

Hippie Man: "I loved The Guess Who! Did you know that The Guess Who had a real name? Yeah! The Guess Who had a real name! It's like, wow! The Guess Who had a real name. Um, I don't remember what the real name was but The Guess Who had another name!"

Hippie Woman: "Hahahahahahaha " (insert obnoxious cackle--Whether sincere or for pity: unknown)

Hippie Man: "Yeah. Someone said, "Hey man! What's the name of your band," and they were like "Guess" and then the guy was like "Guess who?" and then the band thought it was so funny that they didn't use the real name any more. They used Guess Who. Isn't that funny? Guess who didn't use their real name anymore. They used Guess Who cuz they though it was funny."

Hippie Woman: "Hahahahahahaha" (continue the never-ending obnoxious cackle--sincere or pity? still unknown)

Hippie Man: "I saw them at this concert and there was a lot of smoking going on..."

Hippie Woman: "Yeah. The only reason I didn't make it as a singer is because I have Asthma. I just can't handle all of the cigarette and pot smoke. One time I was on a date and we were at this concert and and soon as we got to the Salt Palace (the old Salt Palace, not the new one) I turned around and said, 'we need to leave right now!' Isn't that funny!"

The next ten minutes or so at Iceberg was pretty much the same conversation over and over and over again. Allow me to state that I was not trying to eavesdrop. The restaurant was little and these people obviously had lost most of their hearing from too many hippie music festivals. In my defense, they were shouting the conversation (and the cackling). I wouldn't be surprised if their "date" was audible from outside the establishment.

I was mortified to find that the hippie conversation moved to the topic of "significant others." Andy, Brett, and I now had brain freezes due to the speed we were trying to ingest the ice cream. Our Hippies commented on how God just never put the right woman in his path and was therefore not supposed to get married. "No!" the hippie woman reassured him. "I'm sure that's not true" she said with a hiccup in her voice as she reached for his hand. I wanted to vomit. Not long after this gross display of compliment fishing did we high-tail it out of Iceberg.

Long live old hippies!